dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
