i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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