The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
