"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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