Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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