You just made me feel so damn special
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
