So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
