i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
