dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize