omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
