Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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