She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
