I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
