I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
In America we eat man semen.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize