so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
