It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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