as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
