WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
