We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
