Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
