i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
