Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
