I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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