I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
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