Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
