just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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