Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
