RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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