i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
