OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
