i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
