never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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