No awkward lesbian experiences without me
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
