I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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