Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
