If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
