I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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