y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
