38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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