where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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