this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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