my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
