Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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