If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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