I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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