Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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