I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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