Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
