I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
