Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
