last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
