butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
