dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
