FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
