And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
