Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
