True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
