you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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