Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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