If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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