ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
