"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
