Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
