you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
