How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize