I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
