its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
