hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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