I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
