UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
