I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
