If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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