its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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