Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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