Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
