meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
