Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
