All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize