last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
