i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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