Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
