also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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