On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
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