He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
