As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
