Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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