I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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