Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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