So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
