ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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