i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
