At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
