So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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