u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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