Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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