What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
