I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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