I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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