Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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