I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize