He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize