You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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