My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
