The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
