you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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