I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
