Can Purell be used as lube?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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