i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
