Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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