I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
