She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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