She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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