How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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