I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
