I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
