i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
